The fine art of self censorship…or how I quit my day job and sat around in my underpants all day…

Posted on Posted in #100rejectionletters, Motivation, Rejection, Rejection Chronicles

OK, so maybe I didn’t sit around in my underpants all day…at least not everyday…not too much anyway.

Self censorship can take a couple of different forms. It can be that crippling self doubt kind of censorship that keeps you from voicing the ideas bubbling away in your gut, desperately wanting to get out. In which case, this can become debilitating and career stifling.  Been there. Visit often. Ugly T-shirts. The other form it can take is one I am currently practicing and that is more of a self care kind of censorship.

I am limiting what I choose to do, to see, to experience in order to weed away the non-essentials and get a clearer picture of where the paths of opportunity lie so I can choose where to place my next step.  This can be a difficult challenging process. One way I am censoring myself is in the words I choose to define my world.  Failure is one I have banned for years. Ask any of my old students-if they used the world fail they got a mini lecture from me. One student in particular used it frequently to describe his work and I am pretty sure I hammered it into him to get over the idea of failure.  If I was smart I would have learned how to impersonate Yoda so I could recite this lecture in a much cooler way…

Here’s to hoping he remembered the lessons-he was one of those painters that we will read about one day.  Anyway, In redirecting how I think and speak about the world around me I am slowly realigning my view to a place that has way more to offer.

I am also censoring what goes in.  There’s a saying, “Garbage in, garbage out”. I always assumed it was more of a parental warning than anything else but it really comes from the computer world!  GIGO basically means that if you put the wrong data in you will get invalid/corrupted results. Go figure!  While I will admit to indulging in some of the great Halloween specials that have been on TV (think animated not horror cause I’m a geek that way) I have been limiting my intake of art, news, artnews, junk reading, online shopping, online image trolling, comparison shopping, comparison in general…you get the picture.  You could even go so far as to call it curating my personal experience. I’m not burying my head in the sand-I can hear all about what is going on by watching one news show-I don’t need to watch the same thing over 25 times in order to fully grasp reality. It is an effort to home in on that directional beacon that is out there somewhere ready to point me in the next direction by eliminating the noise.

This applies to choosing what I am willing to spend my time on.  Chances are looking out my window with a hot cup of coffee in my hands trumps watching Kelly and Michael-nothing against them but what do they really add to my day?  I will probably choose to stop in at the really cool gallery down the road instead of popping into the local TJ Maxx (don’t get me wrong-I still go there way more often than I should!).  Silencing  Facebook is a biggie-staying off (except to check for pics of my new neice-she is sooooo cute) and turning attention to my dream sheet. That long ignored list of things I wanna get done. Sort of like a bucket list but without the foreign countries or jumping out of planes kind of things. The ‘ask’ kind of list.

And boundaries? Let’s push on those-hard!  Definitely challenging my current idea of thinking big (getting full test instead of decaf) and going bigger.  This could mean so many things! It may mean I paint, it may mean I write, it may mean I get that tattoo I have been wanting for way too long.  Whatever it is going to look like, I plan on keeping track of it here.

I will be posting the last post on my blog (And, Per Se And) tomorrow and moving over here. I figure it’s high time to let go of the split blog personality. And, since one of my to-do’s on the big list is to be more transparent and open this will be a step in that direction.

I will also be starting a new project called the Rejection Chronicles.  There will be more about that later but I am SUPER pumped about this one.

November is going to be a great month!  BUT, it is still October and I am going to indulge in a little sittin’, a little thinkin’ and a lot of coffee. And, I might just get dressed. In my defense, I am in my pajamas NOT my underwear…so there.