All These Voices…

Posted on Posted in #100rejectionletters, Rejection, Writing

I don’t know about you but sometimes I rush headfirst into something-purely out of enthusiasm-only to pull back when the voices begin their conversation.

Can you really do that?

You aren’t ready for that.

You can’t write.

That’s not your deal.

You aren’t good enough.

Not. Good. Enough. At. All.

The other day I had an idea and I thought it was pretty good-actually I thought it was pretty darn good. So I took a deep breath and jumped in.  I fired off an email and shared my idea, hit send and went about my day.  My heart was pounding-I was excited and a little bit happy about having found something I could get behind! I had a project! I had purpose!

Enter voices stage right:

OH NO, what did you just do?

What hubris!

What were you thinking-this is totally not your thing.

She is totally going to blow you off.

And then enter voices stage left:

What a joke.

You can’t do this.

You need to write back and apologize for writing without thinking.

Take. It. Back.

Now you look stupid with two o’s as in stoopid.

By the time I got home I had talked myself out of my own idea. After all who was I to want to pitch a book idea. I couldn’t do it. I needed to write back, take it back and try to find something else to do, some other purpose, some other whatever. Maybe I should just bake a pie.

What gives?  Why do things go this way?  This feels like more than fear-as in plain ole fear.  This is insidious-destructive.  Fear can only go so far-this feels worse. So, what am I going to do about it?

I am not going to write back. I am not going to apologize and yes, the voices are telling me this is a really bad idea.  This once, I am going to leave well enough alone.  If I never hear back-that’s OK. If I hear back that it is a no-that’s OK too.  What if-just what if-I hear back that this may be something? What if they write back and tell me that this is worth pursuing? THEN I can be afraid! Out of fear can come courage-that and strength.  The other stuff-the voices-those things that keep us from going forward? They are only voices-recordings from the past, from experiences from whatever else we allow to defeat us because that is their endgame goal-defeat.  Stop. Derail. Curtail. Avoid. Prevent.

The one caveat in their little plan is that we have this small reserve of power hidden behind our fear. What we forget is that fear can be a choice, a decision to keep us from responsibility for any mistake-or a perceived mistake. See, if we don’t try we can’t fail-but the opposite is true as well-if we don’t try we can’t succeed. Then we can stay safe with no chafing, no change and nothing that will require anything more from us. Neutral. No impact. Just, blah.

I am kinda over being safe. I’ve never liked beige as a color so why should I accept it as a way to be?  Yes, I have been faced with a good dose of rejection lately but I am learning that it only means I am trying. I don’t need to let it dictate what I do next-allow it to keep me from trying.

What keeps you from trying?  What ideas are dying to get out?  What holds you back? Maybe it’s time to just jump?!

Just do the work you were created to do-even if the world doesn’t accept it at first.  You were created to do the work only you can do and it is simply marvelous!

Enjoy the AND because that is where the journey is happening-

S.